Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Child Behavior Plan
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Child Behavior Plan
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Child Behavior Plan
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reading blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as practically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Child Behavior Plan
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Child Behavior Plan
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Child Behavior Plan
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation always produces much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Child Behavior Plan
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and also more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Child Behavior Plan
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Child Behavior Plan
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Child Behavior Plan
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Child Behavior Plan
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Child Behavior Plan
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Child Behavior Plan
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Behavior Plan
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Child Behavior Plan
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.