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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Child Holiday
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Child Holiday
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Child Holiday
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reading articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Child Holiday
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Child Holiday
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Child Holiday
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently yields better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Child Holiday
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Child Holiday
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key emotion beneath it
• Most mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Child Holiday
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we must be prepared to offer. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Child Holiday
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Child Holiday
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Child Holiday
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Child Holiday
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. But little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Holiday
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Child Holiday
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