When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Child Kicking
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Child Kicking
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Child Kicking
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and virtually every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Child Kicking
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Child Kicking
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Child Kicking
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration always yields better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Child Kicking
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Below are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mom or dad you have actually always wished to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and also more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Child Kicking
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion below it
• Most upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Child Kicking
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to be prepared to offer. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Child Kicking
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Child Kicking
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Child Kicking
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Child Kicking
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Child Kicking
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Child Kicking
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