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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Child Mental Health Counselor
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Child Mental Health Counselor
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Child Mental Health Counselor
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reading blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and practically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Child Mental Health Counselor
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Child Mental Health Counselor
First, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Child Mental Health Counselor
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently yields much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Child Mental Health Counselor
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Child Mental Health Counselor
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary feeling under it
• Many angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Child Mental Health Counselor
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to get from our child, we have to agree to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Child Mental Health Counselor
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Child Mental Health Counselor
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Child Mental Health Counselor
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Child Mental Health Counselor
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Mental Health Counselor
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Child Mental Health Counselor
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