When I first became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Child Not Sharing
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Child Not Sharing
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Child Not Sharing
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy child development Child Not Sharing
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Child Not Sharing
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Child Not Sharing
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation always yields much better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Child Not Sharing
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Below are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mommy or dad you have actually always wished to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and much more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Child Not Sharing
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Child Not Sharing
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we must agree to provide first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Child Not Sharing
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Child Not Sharing
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Child Not Sharing
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Child Not Sharing
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Child Not Sharing
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Child Not Sharing
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