When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Childhood Issues
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Childhood Issues
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Childhood Issues
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and practically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Childhood Issues
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Childhood Issues
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Childhood Issues
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Childhood Issues
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Childhood Issues
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• The majority of mad children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Childhood Issues
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to provide first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Childhood Issues
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Childhood Issues
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Childhood Issues
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Childhood Issues
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Childhood Issues
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Childhood Issues
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