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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Children Topic
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Children Topic
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Children Topic
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and basically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Children Topic
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Children Topic
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Children Topic
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Children Topic
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mommy or father you have actually always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her full potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (as well as a lot more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Children Topic
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Children Topic
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Children Topic
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Children Topic
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Children Topic
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Children Topic
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Children Topic
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Children Topic
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.