When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Children Transition
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Children Transition
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Children Transition
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Children Transition
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Children Transition
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Children Transition
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration always generates much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Children Transition
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually much easier (and also extra common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Children Transition
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main feeling beneath it
• A lot of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Children Transition
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we should be eager to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Children Transition
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Children Transition
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Children Transition
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Children Transition
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Children Transition
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Children Transition
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