When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Children Who Bully Their Parents
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Children Who Bully Their Parents
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Children Who Bully Their Parents
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as practically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Children Who Bully Their Parents
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Children Who Bully Their Parents
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Children Who Bully Their Parents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Children Who Bully Their Parents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Children Who Bully Their Parents
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main feeling under it
• A lot of upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Children Who Bully Their Parents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we need to be prepared to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Children Who Bully Their Parents
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Children Who Bully Their Parents
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Children Who Bully Their Parents
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Children Who Bully Their Parents
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Children Who Bully Their Parents
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Children Who Bully Their Parents
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