When I first became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Childrens Problems
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Childrens Problems
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Childrens Problems
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Childrens Problems
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. But long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Childrens Problems
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Childrens Problems
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Childrens Problems
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and also much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Childrens Problems
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary feeling under it
• A lot of mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Childrens Problems
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we have to want to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. Childrens Problems
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Childrens Problems
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Childrens Problems
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Childrens Problems
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Childrens Problems
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Childrens Problems
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