When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Chronic Tic Disorder Vs Tourettes
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Chronic Tic Disorder Vs Tourettes
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Chronic Tic Disorder Vs Tourettes
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy child development Chronic Tic Disorder Vs Tourettes
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Chronic Tic Disorder Vs Tourettes
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Chronic Tic Disorder Vs Tourettes
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces far better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Chronic Tic Disorder Vs Tourettes
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Chronic Tic Disorder Vs Tourettes
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key feeling below it
• Most mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Chronic Tic Disorder Vs Tourettes
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be prepared to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Chronic Tic Disorder Vs Tourettes
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Chronic Tic Disorder Vs Tourettes
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Chronic Tic Disorder Vs Tourettes
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Chronic Tic Disorder Vs Tourettes
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Chronic Tic Disorder Vs Tourettes
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Chronic Tic Disorder Vs Tourettes
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