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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Communication Disorder
There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Communication Disorder
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Communication Disorder
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Communication Disorder
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Communication Disorder
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Communication Disorder
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Communication Disorder
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Communication Disorder
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key feeling under it
• Many upset children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Communication Disorder
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we should be prepared to offer. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Communication Disorder
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Communication Disorder
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Communication Disorder
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Communication Disorder
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Communication Disorder
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Communication Disorder
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