When I first became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Conscious Parenting Ireland
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Conscious Parenting Ireland
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Conscious Parenting Ireland
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Conscious Parenting Ireland
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Conscious Parenting Ireland
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Conscious Parenting Ireland
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Conscious Parenting Ireland
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and much more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Conscious Parenting Ireland
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling below it
• A lot of mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Conscious Parenting Ireland
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we have to be eager to give. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. Conscious Parenting Ireland
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Conscious Parenting Ireland
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Conscious Parenting Ireland
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Conscious Parenting Ireland
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Conscious Parenting Ireland
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Conscious Parenting Ireland
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