When I initially became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Consequences Natural Calamities
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Consequences Natural Calamities
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Consequences Natural Calamities
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and pretty much every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Consequences Natural Calamities
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Consequences Natural Calamities
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Consequences Natural Calamities
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration always yields much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Consequences Natural Calamities
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mama or daddy you’ve always intended to be, and assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (as well as a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Consequences Natural Calamities
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key emotion below it
• A lot of angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Consequences Natural Calamities
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Consequences Natural Calamities
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Consequences Natural Calamities
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Consequences Natural Calamities
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Consequences Natural Calamities
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Consequences Natural Calamities
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Consequences Natural Calamities
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