When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Cry It Out Method Toddlers
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Cry It Out Method Toddlers
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Cry It Out Method Toddlers
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Cry It Out Method Toddlers
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Cry It Out Method Toddlers
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Cry It Out Method Toddlers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation always yields better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Cry It Out Method Toddlers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and much more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Cry It Out Method Toddlers
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary emotion under it
• Many mad children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Cry It Out Method Toddlers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Cry It Out Method Toddlers
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Cry It Out Method Toddlers
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Cry It Out Method Toddlers
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Cry It Out Method Toddlers
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. But gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Cry It Out Method Toddlers
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Cry It Out Method Toddlers
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