When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Cry It Out On Belly
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Cry It Out On Belly
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Cry It Out On Belly
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Cry It Out On Belly
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Cry It Out On Belly
Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Cry It Out On Belly
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration always generates better long-term results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Cry It Out On Belly
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Cry It Out On Belly
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main emotion underneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Cry It Out On Belly
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. Cry It Out On Belly
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Cry It Out On Belly
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Cry It Out On Belly
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Cry It Out On Belly
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Cry It Out On Belly
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Cry It Out On Belly
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