When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Cutting Ties With Your Daughter
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Cutting Ties With Your Daughter
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Cutting Ties With Your Daughter
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as basically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Cutting Ties With Your Daughter
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Cutting Ties With Your Daughter
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Cutting Ties With Your Daughter
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation always produces far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Cutting Ties With Your Daughter
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Below are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mama or daddy you’ve always wished to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also extra typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Cutting Ties With Your Daughter
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key feeling beneath it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Cutting Ties With Your Daughter
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we need to be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Cutting Ties With Your Daughter
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Cutting Ties With Your Daughter
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Cutting Ties With Your Daughter
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Cutting Ties With Your Daughter
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Cutting Ties With Your Daughter
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Cutting Ties With Your Daughter
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