Daughter Sleep Over – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

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Daughter Sleep Over
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Daughter Sleep Over

There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Daughter Sleep Over

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Daughter Sleep Over

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Daughter Sleep Over

Daughter Sleep Over

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? Daughter Sleep Over

First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Giving your children everything they ask for Daughter Sleep Over

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation always generates much better long-lasting results than harsh control.

Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy limits

• Developing a child’s foundational character traits

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-control

• Going deeper than simple external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Daughter Sleep Over

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Below are a number of the methods Amy reveals to assist you to become the mama or daddy you’ve always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her full potential.

Identify the root of the behavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and much more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

Yet we can get a great deal further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Daughter Sleep Over

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main emotion underneath it

• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.

• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Daughter Sleep Over

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. Daughter Sleep Over

This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Daughter Sleep Over

Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Daughter Sleep Over

Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

So how can you come to be a positive parent? Daughter Sleep Over

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Daughter Sleep Over

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Daughter Sleep Over


Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

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