Defiant 5 Year Old – How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

Defiant 5 Year Old
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Defiant 5 Year Old

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Defiant 5 Year Old

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Defiant 5 Year Old

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting strategy.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Defiant 5 Year Old

Defiant 5 Year Old

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Given his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? Defiant 5 Year Old

Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Providing your children everything they ask for Defiant 5 Year Old

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no limitations

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration always produces much better long-term results than strict control.

Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint

• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Defiant 5 Year Old

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Here are a number of the strategies Amy shares to help you to evolve into the mama or daddy you’ve always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.

Get to the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (as well as more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

However we can get a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Defiant 5 Year Old

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main feeling underneath it

• Many upset children are actually scared and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.

• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Defiant 5 Year Old

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Defiant 5 Year Old

This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Defiant 5 Year Old

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …

Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Defiant 5 Year Old

Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.

Just how can you become a positive parent? Defiant 5 Year Old

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Defiant 5 Year Old

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Defiant 5 Year Old


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