Defiant Teenage Daughter – How I Used Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Listen

Defiant Teenage Daughter
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Defiant Teenage Daughter

There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Defiant Teenage Daughter

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Defiant Teenage Daughter

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also basically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.

I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these principles result in healthy child development Defiant Teenage Daughter

Defiant Teenage Daughter

In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.

Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Defiant Teenage Daughter

Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding major misbehavior

• Giving your children whatever they want Defiant Teenage Daughter

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.

Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline

• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Defiant Teenage Daughter

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Here are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mom or dad you’ve always intended to be, and encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Identify the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

But we can get a lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Defiant Teenage Daughter

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion below it

• A lot of angry children are really scared and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.

• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Defiant Teenage Daughter

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?

It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Defiant Teenage Daughter

This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Defiant Teenage Daughter

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …

Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Defiant Teenage Daughter

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.

So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Defiant Teenage Daughter

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Defiant Teenage Daughter

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Defiant Teenage Daughter


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