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When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Deficit De Atencion Tratamiento
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Deficit De Atencion Tratamiento
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Deficit De Atencion Tratamiento
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Deficit De Atencion Tratamiento
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Deficit De Atencion Tratamiento
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Deficit De Atencion Tratamiento
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration always generates far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Deficit De Atencion Tratamiento
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and extra common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Deficit De Atencion Tratamiento
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion underneath it
• The majority of mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Deficit De Atencion Tratamiento
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we need to want to give first. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Deficit De Atencion Tratamiento
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Deficit De Atencion Tratamiento
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Deficit De Atencion Tratamiento
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Deficit De Atencion Tratamiento
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Deficit De Atencion Tratamiento
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Deficit De Atencion Tratamiento
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