Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Describe Your Child’s Personality Example
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Describe Your Child’s Personality Example
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Describe Your Child’s Personality Example
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Describe Your Child’s Personality Example
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Describe Your Child’s Personality Example
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Describe Your Child’s Personality Example
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration always yields much better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Describe Your Child’s Personality Example
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (as well as extra common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Describe Your Child’s Personality Example
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main emotion below it
• A lot of upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Describe Your Child’s Personality Example
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we need to want to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Describe Your Child’s Personality Example
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Describe Your Child’s Personality Example
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Describe Your Child’s Personality Example
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Describe Your Child’s Personality Example
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Describe Your Child’s Personality Example
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Describe Your Child’s Personality Example
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.