Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement – How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Cooperate

Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement

There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other typically approved parenting technique.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these concepts result in healthy child development Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement

Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement

In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Considering his background and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement

Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring major wrongdoing

• Offering your children every little thing they want Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no boundaries

You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates far better lasting results than strict control.

Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint

• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mother or dad you’ve always wanted to be, and help your child to reach his or her full potential.

Get to the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement

As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling under it

• Many mad children are actually scared and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.

• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement

This does not imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement

Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.

So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I advise any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Difference Between Punishment And Reinforcement


Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

error: Content is protected !!