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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. DMDD Aspergers
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.DMDD Aspergers
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan DMDD Aspergers
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also practically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development DMDD Aspergers
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? DMDD Aspergers
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want DMDD Aspergers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation always yields better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. DMDD Aspergers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (as well as more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. DMDD Aspergers
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary emotion below it
• Most angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … DMDD Aspergers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. DMDD Aspergers
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. DMDD Aspergers
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? DMDD Aspergers
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? DMDD Aspergers
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. DMDD Aspergers
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. DMDD Aspergers
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