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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Do You Have A Phone
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Do You Have A Phone
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Do You Have A Phone
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as practically every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Do You Have A Phone
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Do You Have A Phone
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Do You Have A Phone
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always generates better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Do You Have A Phone
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and also more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Do You Have A Phone
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary feeling under it
• Many upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Do You Have A Phone
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Do You Have A Phone
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Do You Have A Phone
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Do You Have A Phone
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Do You Have A Phone
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Do You Have A Phone
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Do You Have A Phone
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.