When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Dr Dan Siegel Mindsight Institute
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Dr Dan Siegel Mindsight Institute
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Dr Dan Siegel Mindsight Institute
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Dr Dan Siegel Mindsight Institute
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Dr Dan Siegel Mindsight Institute
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Dr Dan Siegel Mindsight Institute
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation always yields far better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Dr Dan Siegel Mindsight Institute
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Dr Dan Siegel Mindsight Institute
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• A lot of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Dr Dan Siegel Mindsight Institute
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you value them as an individual. Dr Dan Siegel Mindsight Institute
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Dr Dan Siegel Mindsight Institute
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Dr Dan Siegel Mindsight Institute
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Dr Dan Siegel Mindsight Institute
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Dr Dan Siegel Mindsight Institute
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Dr Dan Siegel Mindsight Institute
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.