When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Dr Laura Kids
There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Dr Laura Kids
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Dr Laura Kids
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also pretty much every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Dr Laura Kids
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Dr Laura Kids
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Dr Laura Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration always yields much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Dr Laura Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Below are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mother or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Dr Laura Kids
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Dr Laura Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should be prepared to give. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. Dr Laura Kids
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Dr Laura Kids
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Dr Laura Kids
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Dr Laura Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Dr Laura Kids
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Dr Laura Kids
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