When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Dr Laura Markham Sleep Training
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Dr Laura Markham Sleep Training
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Dr Laura Markham Sleep Training
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Dr Laura Markham Sleep Training
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Dr Laura Markham Sleep Training
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Dr Laura Markham Sleep Training
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration always produces far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Dr Laura Markham Sleep Training
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Below are a number of the methods Amy reveals to help you to become the mommy or father you’ve always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Dr Laura Markham Sleep Training
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• The majority of angry children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Dr Laura Markham Sleep Training
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we need to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Dr Laura Markham Sleep Training
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Dr Laura Markham Sleep Training
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Dr Laura Markham Sleep Training
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Dr Laura Markham Sleep Training
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Dr Laura Markham Sleep Training
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Dr Laura Markham Sleep Training
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