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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Dyscalculia Resources
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Dyscalculia Resources
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Dyscalculia Resources
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Dyscalculia Resources
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Dyscalculia Resources
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Dyscalculia Resources
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently produces better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Dyscalculia Resources
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mother or daddy you have actually always wished to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her full potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (and extra common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Dyscalculia Resources
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion below it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Dyscalculia Resources
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Dyscalculia Resources
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Dyscalculia Resources
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Dyscalculia Resources
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Dyscalculia Resources
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Dyscalculia Resources
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Dyscalculia Resources
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.