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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Dyslexia Facts And Information
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Dyslexia Facts And Information
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Dyslexia Facts And Information
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy child development Dyslexia Facts And Information
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Dyslexia Facts And Information
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Dyslexia Facts And Information
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently yields far better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Dyslexia Facts And Information
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and much more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Dyslexia Facts And Information
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main emotion under it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Dyslexia Facts And Information
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we should want to provide first. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. Dyslexia Facts And Information
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Dyslexia Facts And Information
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Dyslexia Facts And Information
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Dyslexia Facts And Information
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Dyslexia Facts And Information
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Dyslexia Facts And Information
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