When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Eating Disorders In Teenage Males
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Eating Disorders In Teenage Males
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Eating Disorders In Teenage Males
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and virtually every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy child development Eating Disorders In Teenage Males
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Eating Disorders In Teenage Males
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Eating Disorders In Teenage Males
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently generates better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Eating Disorders In Teenage Males
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also a lot more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Eating Disorders In Teenage Males
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main emotion below it
• Most angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Eating Disorders In Teenage Males
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Eating Disorders In Teenage Males
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Eating Disorders In Teenage Males
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Eating Disorders In Teenage Males
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Eating Disorders In Teenage Males
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. However little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Eating Disorders In Teenage Males
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Eating Disorders In Teenage Males
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