When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Emotional Intelligence And Safety
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Emotional Intelligence And Safety
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Emotional Intelligence And Safety
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles result in healthy child development Emotional Intelligence And Safety
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Emotional Intelligence And Safety
First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Emotional Intelligence And Safety
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Emotional Intelligence And Safety
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as much more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Emotional Intelligence And Safety
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key feeling below it
• Most angry children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Emotional Intelligence And Safety
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Emotional Intelligence And Safety
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Emotional Intelligence And Safety
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Emotional Intelligence And Safety
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Emotional Intelligence And Safety
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Emotional Intelligence And Safety
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Emotional Intelligence And Safety
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