Emotional Intelligence And Self Control – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Cooperate

Emotional Intelligence And Self Control
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Emotional Intelligence And Self Control

There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Emotional Intelligence And Self Control

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Emotional Intelligence And Self Control

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and practically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Emotional Intelligence And Self Control

Emotional Intelligence And Self Control

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.

Considering his background as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Emotional Intelligence And Self Control

Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring major wrongdoing

• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Emotional Intelligence And Self Control

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration always produces far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.

Parents that adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint

• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. Emotional Intelligence And Self Control

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Right here are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mommy or dad you’ve always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Find the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and also more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Emotional Intelligence And Self Control

For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main emotion beneath it

• A lot of mad children are in fact scared and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.

• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Emotional Intelligence And Self Control

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to receive from our child, we need to agree to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. Emotional Intelligence And Self Control

This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Emotional Intelligence And Self Control

Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Emotional Intelligence And Self Control

Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Emotional Intelligence And Self Control

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Emotional Intelligence And Self Control

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Emotional Intelligence And Self Control


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