When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Emotional Intelligence Maetrix
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Emotional Intelligence Maetrix
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Emotional Intelligence Maetrix
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Emotional Intelligence Maetrix
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Emotional Intelligence Maetrix
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Emotional Intelligence Maetrix
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently yields far better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Emotional Intelligence Maetrix
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and also extra common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Emotional Intelligence Maetrix
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key feeling under it
• A lot of angry children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Emotional Intelligence Maetrix
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we should be prepared to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Emotional Intelligence Maetrix
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Emotional Intelligence Maetrix
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Emotional Intelligence Maetrix
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Emotional Intelligence Maetrix
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. However little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Emotional Intelligence Maetrix
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Emotional Intelligence Maetrix
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