When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Emotional Intelligence Management Approach
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Emotional Intelligence Management Approach
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Emotional Intelligence Management Approach
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also virtually every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Emotional Intelligence Management Approach
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Emotional Intelligence Management Approach
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Emotional Intelligence Management Approach
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always generates better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Emotional Intelligence Management Approach
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and also extra common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Emotional Intelligence Management Approach
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key feeling below it
• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Emotional Intelligence Management Approach
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we have to be willing to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Emotional Intelligence Management Approach
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Emotional Intelligence Management Approach
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Emotional Intelligence Management Approach
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Emotional Intelligence Management Approach
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Emotional Intelligence Management Approach
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Emotional Intelligence Management Approach
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