When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Estranged Father Daughter Relationships
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Estranged Father Daughter Relationships
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Estranged Father Daughter Relationships
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and virtually every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Estranged Father Daughter Relationships
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Estranged Father Daughter Relationships
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Estranged Father Daughter Relationships
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration always produces better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Estranged Father Daughter Relationships
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Here are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mom or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her full potential.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and also a lot more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Estranged Father Daughter Relationships
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• The majority of angry children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Estranged Father Daughter Relationships
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Estranged Father Daughter Relationships
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Estranged Father Daughter Relationships
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Estranged Father Daughter Relationships
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Estranged Father Daughter Relationships
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Estranged Father Daughter Relationships
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Estranged Father Daughter Relationships
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