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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Explosive Child Strategies
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Explosive Child Strategies
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Explosive Child Strategies
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Explosive Child Strategies
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Explosive Child Strategies
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Explosive Child Strategies
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation always yields much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Explosive Child Strategies
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Explosive Child Strategies
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main emotion underneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Explosive Child Strategies
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Explosive Child Strategies
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Explosive Child Strategies
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Explosive Child Strategies
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Explosive Child Strategies
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Explosive Child Strategies
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Explosive Child Strategies
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.