When I first became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Extreme Sibling Rivalry
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Extreme Sibling Rivalry
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Extreme Sibling Rivalry
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and virtually every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Extreme Sibling Rivalry
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Extreme Sibling Rivalry
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Extreme Sibling Rivalry
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration always generates far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Extreme Sibling Rivalry
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Here are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mommy or dad you have actually always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (as well as much more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Extreme Sibling Rivalry
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• Many angry children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Extreme Sibling Rivalry
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we should want to provide first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Extreme Sibling Rivalry
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Extreme Sibling Rivalry
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Extreme Sibling Rivalry
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Extreme Sibling Rivalry
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Extreme Sibling Rivalry
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Extreme Sibling Rivalry
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.