When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Family Love Safety And Happiness
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Family Love Safety And Happiness
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Family Love Safety And Happiness
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and basically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Family Love Safety And Happiness
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Family Love Safety And Happiness
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Family Love Safety And Happiness
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation always generates much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Family Love Safety And Happiness
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and also extra common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Family Love Safety And Happiness
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• Many upset children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Family Love Safety And Happiness
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we should want to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Family Love Safety And Happiness
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Family Love Safety And Happiness
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Family Love Safety And Happiness
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Family Love Safety And Happiness
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Family Love Safety And Happiness
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Family Love Safety And Happiness
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