When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Fear Of Breastfeeding
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Fear Of Breastfeeding
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Fear Of Breastfeeding
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and practically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy child development Fear Of Breastfeeding
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Fear Of Breastfeeding
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Fear Of Breastfeeding
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation always produces far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Fear Of Breastfeeding
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Here are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to help you to evolve into the mommy or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Fear Of Breastfeeding
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• Many angry children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Fear Of Breastfeeding
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we must want to offer first. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. Fear Of Breastfeeding
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Fear Of Breastfeeding
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Fear Of Breastfeeding
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Fear Of Breastfeeding
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Fear Of Breastfeeding
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Fear Of Breastfeeding
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