Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Focalin Ritalin
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Focalin Ritalin
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Focalin Ritalin
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Focalin Ritalin
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Focalin Ritalin
Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Focalin Ritalin
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Focalin Ritalin
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Focalin Ritalin
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion beneath it
• A lot of angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Focalin Ritalin
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Focalin Ritalin
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Focalin Ritalin
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Focalin Ritalin
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Focalin Ritalin
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Focalin Ritalin
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Focalin Ritalin
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.