When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Focusing Issues In Children
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Focusing Issues In Children
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Focusing Issues In Children
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Focusing Issues In Children
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Focusing Issues In Children
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Focusing Issues In Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration always generates much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Focusing Issues In Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Focusing Issues In Children
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• Most mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Focusing Issues In Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we must be prepared to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Focusing Issues In Children
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Focusing Issues In Children
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Focusing Issues In Children
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Focusing Issues In Children
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Focusing Issues In Children
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Focusing Issues In Children
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