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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Gabbie Hanna Religion
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Gabbie Hanna Religion
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Gabbie Hanna Religion
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and practically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Gabbie Hanna Religion
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Gabbie Hanna Religion
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Gabbie Hanna Religion
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Gabbie Hanna Religion
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Gabbie Hanna Religion
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary feeling below it
• Many upset children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Gabbie Hanna Religion
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Gabbie Hanna Religion
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Gabbie Hanna Religion
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Gabbie Hanna Religion
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Gabbie Hanna Religion
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Gabbie Hanna Religion
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Gabbie Hanna Religion
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