When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Gentle Parenting Tantrums
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Gentle Parenting Tantrums
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Gentle Parenting Tantrums
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also practically every other typically approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy child development Gentle Parenting Tantrums
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Gentle Parenting Tantrums
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Gentle Parenting Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Gentle Parenting Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Below are a number of the methods Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mom or father you’ve always wished to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often easier (and a lot more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Gentle Parenting Tantrums
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• Most mad children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Gentle Parenting Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Gentle Parenting Tantrums
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Gentle Parenting Tantrums
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Gentle Parenting Tantrums
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Gentle Parenting Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Gentle Parenting Tantrums
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Gentle Parenting Tantrums
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