When I first became a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Gifted Autistic Child
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Gifted Autistic Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Gifted Autistic Child
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reading blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Gifted Autistic Child
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Gifted Autistic Child
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Gifted Autistic Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently generates better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Gifted Autistic Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Gifted Autistic Child
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key feeling below it
• A lot of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Gifted Autistic Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Gifted Autistic Child
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Gifted Autistic Child
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Gifted Autistic Child
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Gifted Autistic Child
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Gifted Autistic Child
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Gifted Autistic Child
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