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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Gifted Or Autistic
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Gifted Or Autistic
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Gifted Or Autistic
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy child development Gifted Or Autistic
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Gifted Or Autistic
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Gifted Or Autistic
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Gifted Or Autistic
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (and much more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Gifted Or Autistic
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• Many angry children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Gifted Or Autistic
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to receive from our child, we need to want to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. Gifted Or Autistic
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Gifted Or Autistic
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Gifted Or Autistic
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Gifted Or Autistic
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. However little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Gifted Or Autistic
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Gifted Or Autistic
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