When I first became a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Good Job Kid
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Good Job Kid
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Good Job Kid
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as practically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles result in healthy child development Good Job Kid
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Good Job Kid
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Good Job Kid
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces far better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Good Job Kid
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Below are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mother or father you’ve always wished to be, and also help your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Good Job Kid
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion under it
• Many upset children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Good Job Kid
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we need to be willing to give. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Good Job Kid
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Good Job Kid
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Good Job Kid
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Good Job Kid
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Good Job Kid
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Good Job Kid
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