When I first became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Grandparents Undermining Parental Authority
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Grandparents Undermining Parental Authority
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Grandparents Undermining Parental Authority
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Grandparents Undermining Parental Authority
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Grandparents Undermining Parental Authority
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Grandparents Undermining Parental Authority
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation consistently yields better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Grandparents Undermining Parental Authority
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Below are a number of the techniques Amy shares to assist you to come to be the mommy or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently easier (as well as more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Grandparents Undermining Parental Authority
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main feeling under it
• Many upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Grandparents Undermining Parental Authority
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be ready to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Grandparents Undermining Parental Authority
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Grandparents Undermining Parental Authority
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Grandparents Undermining Parental Authority
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Grandparents Undermining Parental Authority
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Grandparents Undermining Parental Authority
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Grandparents Undermining Parental Authority
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