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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Grief Activities For Elementary Students
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Grief Activities For Elementary Students
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Grief Activities For Elementary Students
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also practically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Grief Activities For Elementary Students
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Grief Activities For Elementary Students
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Grief Activities For Elementary Students
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation always produces much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Grief Activities For Elementary Students
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as much more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Grief Activities For Elementary Students
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion beneath it
• Most mad children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Grief Activities For Elementary Students
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we should be willing to give first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. Grief Activities For Elementary Students
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Grief Activities For Elementary Students
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Grief Activities For Elementary Students
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Grief Activities For Elementary Students
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Grief Activities For Elementary Students
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Grief Activities For Elementary Students
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