When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Hand In Hand Parenting Hitting
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Hand In Hand Parenting Hitting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Hand In Hand Parenting Hitting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and virtually every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Hand In Hand Parenting Hitting
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Hand In Hand Parenting Hitting
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Hand In Hand Parenting Hitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation always yields better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Hand In Hand Parenting Hitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Hand In Hand Parenting Hitting
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key feeling under it
• Most mad children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Hand In Hand Parenting Hitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to agree to offer first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Hand In Hand Parenting Hitting
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Hand In Hand Parenting Hitting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Hand In Hand Parenting Hitting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Hand In Hand Parenting Hitting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Hand In Hand Parenting Hitting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Hand In Hand Parenting Hitting
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